Angry...sometimes...

I have a fairly even temper when it comes to arguments and discussions as long as no one's yelling, but when it comes to annoying situations that involve inanimate objects, too much sunlight, losing things, being hungry, or being annoyed I completely lose my shit. I guess it's alot funnier to watch in live action, but here are a few (stress is on 'a few') recent incidents of Tess Rage that are worth their weight in the stress ulcers than they give me.

- Mitch Doll punches me and chases me continually after I tell him that just because because he looks like teenaged Harry Potter with better glasses and less muscle tone doesn't mean he has a magic wand that allows him to cast a spell and transform into something intimidating. So when he kept bringing the fists of fury to my arm like I was one of the guys who wants to prove he has the larger balls by way of pseudo-gay-male wrestling matches, I decided to skip all the "Mitch quit it you little bastard in training"' warnings and attack him with a coffee cup wrapped around my knuckles. I've discovered from many play fights that the best place to hit someone with this is the elbow, shin or if you're a bitch, the face, so I let it fly and pound him in the elbow hard enough to break the handle and dent the mug, that, by the way, was Mike's and not mine.

-Shortly after this incident, we were shooting a skit that involved Mike grabbing my ass so he of course did alot of trial runs that got to be annoying so I clocked him in the arm with full power. I think I pushed him into a bush too, but maybe that was Dale. Either way I ended up calling Juan "a fucking bastard Mexican " with no language skills (or something like that) because I suspected he was zoomed in on my boobs again. Then I punched Dale in the spine while we were jumping around a hedge and told him it was Mike. I then hit Mike in the face and blamed it on Dale. Wow, this is sort of like confession.



-Don't tell me he took my burrito (A.K.A. chimichanga) I honestly do not mind if people want to try my food if they wanna check it out, but I hate when people are too cheap or diet ridden to get their own meal and instead feed off of mine. It was terrible in school when the vending machines were gone and I starved on a daily basis, so I was stoked to see that the new machines coming in stocked with burritos and other microwavables, BUT...theres always the cooking time that allows people a window of time to steal your shit. I can't stand watching the fucking timer go for more than ten seconds, so that leaves me with no choice but to take the chance and step outside while it cooks.

One day, I decided to be extra careful because Dale was lurking around my microwave and he's totally capable of stealing something of mine, but I wanted to go smoke so I told Juan in as plain English as I could, to watch my microwave like a Mexican bird of prey, and to make very certain that Dale does not open the microwave.

So he says "Ci, senorita...burrito, burrito" or some Mexican bullshit like that, I go for my smoke. When I finally come inside, I find that everyone is laughing about God-knows-what and I get nervous. As usual, I assume they're laughing at me because they tend to do that to themselves feel less terrible about their mediocre asses being always second to my glorious success in our chosen field, and I go towards the microwave. It's then that Dale tells me some guy has snatched my burrito and is about to get away. Instant panic.

So being the hungry moron that I am I look at Dale for a few seconds and after he repeats himself like three times and gestures down the hallway, I somehow assume his statement has gained credibility. So being the apparently "abnormal" person that I am I run down the hallway screaming "Give me back my burrito, GIVE IT BACK NOW" while simultaneously realizing that Eric, the equipment guy who is walking down the hall
A.) Doesn't notoriously steal things....especially microwaved snacks....
B.) Is carrying a pretty nice coffee cup, but nothing that even resembles a burrito, and
C.) Obviously thinks I'm as hilarious as most of the assholes who watched this event unfold in the hallway as well as the people in the classrooms, and most of the teachers...

Yeah so, I guess in retrospect screaming "Give me back my burrito" was stupid on many levels....especially because it wasn't even a burrito, it was a chimichanga, but I guess it's not the most distruptive and obnoxious thing I've done in school because I do tend to blast "Umbrella" by Rhianna or "Gimme More" by Britney Spears while singing horribly with my head phones on at least once a week...

So just this minutes, I had a fit over my mouse pad that wasn't rolling, a battle with my webcam because they always make me feel like someone's staring at me, I knocked over some beer bottles and jumped on them until they were broken about two hours ago because the noise pissed me off. Yesterday, I tried moving the heavy tv and put it on my toe so I pretended to curb stomp it until I fell over it in a fit of rage. I told my alarm clock to "Fuck off" until I woke up to the sound of my own voice four days ago. I yelled at the knotted cell charger cord and flailed it around while jumping up and down and telling it to "Eat shit" And, while exiting my car today, I dropped everything I was holding because I wouldn't put my cigarette down and got so mad at it that I kicked it and danced on it yelling that it's a "dirty son of a whore" in front of one of my apartments security cameras that is available to a watch in every home in the building only to realize that a nice couple was watching me from their parking spot with their little son who was laughing at me just like he thought it was stupidest thing he'd ever seen. He's like five.

I guess that's most of my recent rage, but I think maybe the worst is driving behind anyone going under 80....In a school zone. I got so mad about traffic one day that I closed my eyes and parked my car for five minutes after throwing my box of styrofoam at a slow moving vehicle in front of me while of course telling them they deserved to burn in the firey inferno of eternal damnation....