Tuesday, March 20, 2007

My Wrist Hurts...

Okay! So I'm over the week of soul crushing scholastic hell and I can now relax. I am now in a state of exhausted relief. That said, nothing that would interest any of the four loyal minions I've accumulated has happened recently, except for a few unmentionable things that could get me beaten or arrested and some things that would be funnier if you were there, like the time I stubbed my toe then punched my chair while wearing flood pants and a beer stained wife beater. Yeah...

Well anways, due the astounding amount of putrified shit I had to bathe in last week, I am now looking for someone willing to write my ten page poetry analysis for me. Yes I know, nobody likes a dishonest amoral pile of shit who doesn't deserve to be in university and I shouldn't lower myself to the level of an retard who can't write papers, but seriously I'm fucking tired. I don't want any more work and I will pay you fifty bucks.

Oh yeah speaking of retards, my friend Devon, or Dee as the masses of unimportants call her, entered a dance competition. She not only had to walk in unprepared and dance her ass off for over two songs, but she also got cock slapped in the face when to her dismay an adorably handicapped girl swooped in (okay that's not exactly true, she was actually wearing a cape and pretending she was a helicopter, but swooping sounds better) and used her spastically choreographed rendition of The Pussy* Cunt Doll's Song "Dontcha" to jiggle her way into first place.

Devon was a little disappointed with the XXL shirt that she recieved for second place, but I think this experience in the competitive world of dance is worth well over the cost of the 150 dollar pair of jeans that are were first prize.

Anyways to anyone that thinks they can successfully write my paper comment on here and I will talk to them about it. No idiots please.


-Velociraptor Cookie-Time

*Pussy: pronounced puh-see

5 comments:

Naomi said...

Explain what this paper must entail...? I could use $50...

Also, I have some funny stories regarding your retarded anonymous friend you always display on your blog.

Naomi said...

Also, that quote at the bottom of the page, must be by Chuck Palahniuk quote. It just looks like something he'd write. So that's my guess. chuck Palahniuk. What's my prize?

Anonymous said...

is it a big paper?
-member of unimportant mass

She said...

I wish I could help, but I just got out from a heap of books and journal articles. But I offer my sympathies...?

I'll be up in May. We should go for coffee and bitch about school. That's always the most effective way for me to heal. You?

T.R. said...

-Naomi: it's important that you tell me these stories. The paper has to be ten pages long with a work cited page. It has to be done in MLA format, and has to closely analyze a poet that we have covered in my class.

You're right. The quote is from Palahniuk's story Lullaby when two of the characters are discussing the similarities between humans on Earth and the pigs on the islands. Your prize is a brand new...QUOTE!

-Member of unimportant mass: The paper is ten pages long and worth a large percentage of my mark.

-Alicia: I will definitely take you up on your offer but to be honest my usual way of healing is a little more detrimental to my health than your method.