Vday

Is anyone with me when I say "Fuck Valentine's day"? Seriously, who the fuck was Saint Valentine anyways. Well I bet you V-day lovers don't have a clue. Let me fill you in. He was a 2nd century Roman who was martryed because he wouldn't give up his faith. He supposedly befriended (fucked) the jailors daughter while incarcerated and they had a bit of fling for awhile. They say he then left some sort of note either professing his love for her or his gratitude for her kindness (and exquisitely performed signature move thru-the-bars-handjobs) and as you may have guessed the thing said "From your Valentine". See to me, that story doesn't exactly leak credibility and romance, but I guess that's the Hallmark history that justifies the outrageous spending, Jesus.

I hope that most of the few readers of this blog will understand something at this point. I am not a bitter, lonely, and sad young girl who simply needs someone to give her a heart shaped box of assorted choclates and pink bear with a heart shaped nose that's wearing some sort of completely un-bearlike article of clothing to turn over her leaf and enjoy this "romantic" holiday. No, my friends. My hatred for Valentines day goes far beyond the normal blues and bitterness that single people normally get around this time of year. I'm not a suicidal emo kid longing for someone to cuddle. I'm just pissed off and here is why.

I'm sorry, but if anyone reading this blog says that they've ever gotten more excited over seeing an envelope than a mysteriously wrapped box they're lying. Cards are almost never funny. They aren't deep or thoughtful. Anything that is mass produced with a fucking baby wearing a flower shaped hat or a line of poetry that has long since become a soulless pimped out version of it's former self is not something that anyone-especially me- should want. So what does that leave, nothing but looking forward to the money inside, and sorry to say, V-day does is not a money holiday-oh the irony,

This is ironic on more than one level. First of all, Valentines day is meant to be this day of deep loving sincerety when anyone who cares about anyone shows it. See to me that would mean doing something special and well thought out for the person I love, by maybe telling them how I feel, doing some grand gesture, or even just being nice for once. However, as much sense as this makes, people still go out and buy the fucking ridiculously insincere cards, the very impersonal and expensive pieces of jewelry, and the very VERY uncute stuffed animals that will never amount to anything but a fucking bill and forty minutes stewing over whether Helen would like the orange Turtle with the top hat and candy better than the purple and magenta gorilla that sings "Love Shack"

Just a hint people, if Helen likes those fucking things it's time to move on asshole.

Anyways blog readers, since today is the Vday and I have had too many midterms, and parties to attend to lately I can't argue my points further. I'll leave you with one piece of advice though, remember to wrap it when you're getting your Valentines nookie unless you want the V in Vday to stand for something other than Valentines.

Love,

Tess